I write a lot of poetry about romantic anxieties. This is to be expected from a twenty-something fan of Taylor Swift.

Sometimes when I am writing, I deliberately seek out the music that suits the mood of what I am writing. Sometimes these moods are also influenced by things I find online or even by the weather. Playlist-creation could be its own art form. Art is always inspiring more art.

They say the sunshine improves our moods….I think it might be the opposite for me. Sunshine makes denial harder. The push and pull of denial of a crush is what this playlist is about.

The songs I am repeating most from this playlist:

1. Oblivious by Alexa Cappelli

I found a clip of this song on Tik Tok before it was released and I fell in love. The production is shimmery and bright like a girl who believes in fairy tales. The lyrics remind me of having your head too high in the clouds to realize something good could be right in front of you.

I like the optimism of thinking romantic self-denial as self-preservation is really just being oblivious. Sometimes the daydream is better than the risk that comes with reality.

2. White Keys by Dominic Fike

I think the Spotify algorithm suggested this one and I just kind of agreed. It fit the playlist I was creating, but now it is a favorite.

The song is about loving a woman who has no time for you (a broke loser) because she is a workaholic with ambitions. It’s funny, because it’s always ambitious women who love a lover boy loser. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about why ambitious women might love losers.

3. Sue Me by Audrey Hobert

I found this on my YouTube suggestions first. Then, it appeared in the Prime Video adaptation of the Off Campus book series and it rewired my brain.

The song is flirty and fun and feels so summery. It’s the right contrast of summery sounds with the angst of being so lonely you go back to an ex.

4. STOP by Bella Kay

Sue me….I found another song on Tik Tok. Like “Sue Me,” there is a lot of angst packed in this one. Bella Kay and Audrey Hobert both graduated from the Self Awareness School of Lyric Writing with degrees in I Know I am the Villain.

“I can make your bed if you make it mine.”

“I don’t really even wanna be mature about it. All I want is your tattoos to press up on my body.”

Yup. Exactly. Right. This is the risky text you send then regret in the morning.

Honestly, you have to have a crush to make life’s monotony worth it.

5. WAY WITH WORDS by Tristan

I discovered Tristan on Tik Tok and I loved the vulnerability in her lyrics. This song has a particularly dark melody in the outro that sounds villainous.

“I’d spare you / if I cared to / And I told you / what you were getting into / So I’ll write you / How I want to / Take it as a thank you.”

Good writers will always have a piece of them in the art they create. If you hurt someone who deals with hurt by creating art, don’t be mad when you are the antagonist of their story. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you will always be an antagonist to them. Poetry will always outlast fickle human emotions. There is beauty in being able to see a snapshot of a feeling.

This lesson is true regardless is someone makes art or not. We all craft our own narratives, to our friends and communities and otherwise.

This is the risk of relationships, and somehow that risk is still worth it, so long as you stop denying it.